My community of Tampa Bay woke up Saturday morning to flashbacks of last year when thousands of families lost their homes; many escaping the rising waters of Helene in the middle of the night. Thankfully, my house weathered the hurricane with only a few scratches, but I awoke acutely thinking of my own scars. Exactly two years ago, I underwent fusion of my skull base to C2. It was a massive surgery that I had tried to avoid for five years, and it came with many risks— both intra-operatively and with regard to my ability to live a “normal” life after. But I made the decision to place my healing into the hands of the One who created me as a reflection of Himself. Into the hands of the One who “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13) and the One who designed each detail of my being.

And I watched everything change. I decided to stop living in fear, and instead lock eyes with the One who has:

“Plans to prosper me, and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

And by dwelling on God’s many promises over my life, I saw this verse become truth in my life:

“You will keep in perfect peace, all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you” (Isaiah 26:3). 

I wrote a post the day before my fusion going into detail about God’s peace, and how through the trial of that surgery I came to understand it in a life-changing way. 

But right now, another facet of that journey is on my mind. Last year on September 27th, to mark the anniversary of my fusion, I finished writing my book— or so I thought! But after stepping away and getting feedback from my writing coach, it needed a lot more work. Two months ago I submitted the completed manuscript to my publisher, and I am currently deep in the throes of book editing! God’s fingerprints are all over my story, and on every detail. I am in awe to announce that my memoir will be published in April 2026 by Forefront Books:

Speranza: How Pain Became the Path to Hope

I still get choked up when I look at the word “Speranza” tattooed on my wrist. It’s the Italian word for “hope” and during my darkest days of Lyme disease, when I was solely trying to make it to the next sunrise, I started every morning drinking coffee and reading scripture verses about hope. I got that word tattooed where I would see it with every sip. Never did I think I would be publishing my story with “Speranza” as the title! But isn’t that just like God— to take our utter darkness and transform it to beauty, while bringing glory to Him! 

With teary eyes I am also chuckling right now, because God loves to delight His children. The woman editing my manuscript is an absolute gem and making my story the best version of itself. Her name is Hope. Speranza! My book draws content from journals I kept while working in Italian kitchens, traveling around Southeast Asia, and then fighting for each breath. In one entry I mention God’s reckless love, and she asked me, for her own edification, what that meant. 

We live in a world that advocates for corrective justice that in many ways makes God’s love look reckless. I think the most profound example of this love is when Jesus forgives those persecuting him while he is nailed to a cross, paying the penalty for their sins. The perfect Lamb. 

During his life, Jesus gave many examples— often through parables— of the Father’s reckless love. The Good Shepherd leaves the 99 sheep to find the one that is lost and to bring it back into the fold. That doesn’t sound like a smart business model.

Jesus instructs us to not only forgive those who harm us, but to do good to them. To turn the other cheek. To walk another mile with them. Isn’t that rewarding bad behavior?

The loving Father runs with open arms to embrace the prodigal son, throws him an extravagant banquet at his return, and restores his place in his family and business, after the son had squandered all of his inheritance. That doesn’t seem like wise parenting.

Yes, God is a God of justice, and does sometimes punish or help course-correct out of parental duty. But above all else, his nature is that of love, and nothing I ever do can separate me from it.

By human standards, so many facets of God’s love is reckless. But I am living proof that reckless love equals life-saving and life-changing love.

I was that prodigal son, but God never gave up on me. I hated God for many years as an angry, rebellious teen and young adult, and looked for ways to hurt Him— because I was so intensely hurting. I listened to music that mocked Jesus’s death, rolled joints from pages I tore out of a Bible, and got so deep into drug use that I almost overdosed. But what did God do in turn? He kept pouring out examples of His reckless love until it swept me away in its current, washed me clean, and safely carried me to solid ground. 

I spent the two-year anniversary of my fusion editing the part in my manuscript about how I marched into fusion surgery with absolute resolve that God had abundance waiting on the other side of my leap of faith, and then how again, my world seemed to crumble. But this is what I have realized— I was relying on my expectation of healing, and my strength to achieve the outcome I was hoping for— even though God’s ways are always better. Psalms 147:10-11 was part of my devotional on this anniversary morning, and so fitting. I spent the day delighting in my Father who loves to heal, and praising Him for His unending faithfulness and His reckless love!! 

“He takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or in human might. No, the Lord’s delight is in those who fear him, those who put their hope in his unfailing love.”

That evening, as I walked the beach, I began getting frustrated at the rip-currents of pain that are still nearly constant in my head and neck. But in the same breath, I began thanking God for the abundance I have in my life. Suddenly— like the giant waves I was watching crash upon the shore— it hit me. I’ve been so focused on the fact that physically, I haven’t had the 180 degree healing I was so confidant was awaiting, that I missed it, entirely. God did indeed bring abundance when I stepped out in faith and had the fusion, and my life has completely changed in the two years since. And it was BECAUSE my physical symptoms didn’t go away, that I’ve healed in deeper ways than I knew I even needed. God used two more intense surgeries, and so much pain, to get ahold of my heart and show me the most profound realization of all— which you’ll have to read my book to discover!

But I will tell you this. As I have opened myself up to the healing God has for me, and continued to step out in faith, God has surrounded me by people who have lifted me up, encouraged me, inspired me, helped me grow, and shown me I don’t need to do everything alone. On top of that, I am now in the process of publishing my story— one that I know I have endured because it will help many others find beauty and purpose amidst their pain. And I have a whole squad cheering me on!!

Abundance doesn’t even begin to describe what I am living in!!