Thank you all so very much for your outpouring of prayer, support, encouragement and love🤍 My mom and I both have felt covered in prayer and carried by Gods strength and his abiding peace. And my surgery went perfectly🙌 I was awake enough right away to talk to my surgeon, as I wanted to know all the details about what he found. During surgery he ran a test of brain stem function, and I have significant brain stem damage from years of instability at my craniocervical junction compressing my brainstem and cranial nerves. But he is hopeful that with time it will heal, and I am trusting in Gods perfect healing!! The findings of brainstem damage actually validates all of my symptoms and the need for this surgery…so even that bolsters my hope for the many, many ways God will use this surgery to heal me perfectly!

I woke up from surgery with a catheter and a drain coming from my incision. I asked when I could get the catheter out, and the nurse told me it was there until I was able to get up, so within 2 hours post-op I had gotten out of bed and walked around. My surgeon came back later to check on me and said that I got the award for the fastest patient to ever get up after this surgery! All I could do was laugh…both because I knew whose strength allowed me to do that, and also because I’ve never won an award for anything athletic in my life😆 Once the local anesthetic wore off, the pain was pretty excruciating even with meds, but I was expecting that, and am used to being in a lot of pain…and the relief I felt that surgery was over, and the gratefulness I felt that God had mercifully gotten me through, outweighed everything else I was feeling!

The morning after surgery I had a cervical CT scan and my surgeon said everything looked perfect. And because I was up and walking laps around the hospital floor, I was discharged a day early! Before leaving I had my bandages changed and got a look at my incision, which has me thinking that for Halloween I’ll be Frankenstein and just walk around backwards…what do think?!🙀

For the first week after surgery I could only be upright for about 5 minutes at a time before searing pain and dizziness set in, and my neck muscles went into spasm. But I’m gaining endurance pretty quickly, and now 11 days out I’ve gone on a few little outings, and have done a little cooking! And speaking of, my surgeon was able to set my neck in place at a slight downward angle, which will make it that much easier to cook! Full recovery will take anywhere from 3-12 months, but I know that God will give me the strength I need for each day.

And each day I am healing little by little and seeing smalls wins, which doesn’t mean I don’t get impatient at times. But I’m also learning to cherish these days of slowing down, not looking at a to do list and instead doing what my body needs moment to moment. Being more present…yet I also can’t help but think ahead to what the next season may bring; what I might be able to do with this new spine of mine. It got me thinking about a poem I wrote in a similar season of convalescing, after reading this verse and questions started spiraling in my mind….

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 NLT

My poem, titled PLAY

What works did you plan for me long ago?

Oh how I long to walk in Your will

Holding Your hand

Or better yet…

With You carrying me

Rocking in your arms

My eyes locking onto your loving gaze as you tickle my belly and I erupt in laughter

High upon your shoulders

I feel you ducking under door frames so I don’t bump my head

The giggles of a piggyback ride

My braided hair flopping in sync with each of your steps

Skipping down the sidewalk

Your firm grasp making sure our feet don’t get tangled and trip

Each step

Each milestone

Moving to the bigger swings

The higher slides

Knowing you’d always be there to catch me

And then one day I step out “on my own”

Tall and proud

Capable and strong

Confident in myself

The playing stops…

Too many important pieces to cling to

But little by little

The glitz and glamour is stripped away

And I see that I was never in control

I see my worth reflected in your eyes

Once again I see your heart

And I long to mirror yours

I gingerly take your nail-pierced hand

Small steps slowly turning to skips

You stoop down and I climb on

Belly laughing as I ride on your back

Then up to your shoulders

My burdens suddenly feeling weightless

All the pieces I was clinging to

Suddenly a jigsaw puzzle before me

And this time your hand is guiding mine

As I step into your perfect plan

Your masterpiece✨