One day as I sat by my dads bed, longing for the end to his struggle with a body that was wasting away, yet clinging to his hand that still felt as it always had…I was deeply conflicted over how to pray. Shortly after I got a poem prompt from Jennifer Camp on the topic of “doubt.” And as I started to write, God used it to help me process questions and emotions I was burying. When God says to come to Him with our burdens…it means we can bring our doubts, our fears, our questions, our pain, our longing, our grief. It means we can come as we are. What doubt do you have today? Bring it to Him🤍
Why pray when you’ve ordained it all
Can my prayers change your heart?
And if so…do I want them to?
I don’t know what’s best, only what I want
My eyes see pain, suffering, the stripping away of a beautiful, bountiful life
My heart aches, for all the moments Dad will no longer be here for
Children he’ll never meet
Jokes he’ll never tell
Hugs and hand holds I’ll never feel again
Prayers over me that will be no more
But God I know you’re perfect
I know you’re good
And I know your love
It somehow fills every crevice and crack that I let it
Its a love that’s in the details
A love that proves you know all of me
Standing in that perfect love…how could I question it by praying for something else?
So again I ask…
If my prayers change your heart…
Do I want them to?
I don’t know the answer
So instead I pray for what I know
That when I ask
You give peace that makes whole my broken heart
You give joy in the face of deep sorrow
You give hope of life beyond the grave
When I don’t know how to pray
Your Spirit sings a wordless melody that falls on listening ears
And you give endless grace to cover this questioning mind
This doubting heart
This restless soul