When There Are No Words…

I’m still at a loss for words. A few weeks ago we found out that my dads bladder cancer has metastasized…stage 4 bone cancer in his pelvis, sacrum, back and ribs. It caused acute kidney failure, he had a double nephrostomy, and has been in and out of the hospital since February. We are counting every day left as a gift.

I don’t know where to begin putting into words my grief or my gratitude. Gratitude for my dads life…the countless lives he has touched and his overflowing love for our family and his Savior. Gratitude for the time I’ve had with him, especially these past 10 months living back under my parents’ roof, precious time that was not in my plans but that God so graciously and lovingly gave to us. Time that I will never forget.

I don’t know how to keep these tears from falling. But what I do know is that God is faithful. And there are seasons when we are filled to the brim with examples of that. And I think it’s so that we can hold tight to it for the seasons when that cup seems to be running dry. We look back on those bountiful times and know that God will see us through. That He is always present and always in control, always in the details and always on His throne.

Sometime I’ll write more about just the amazing man my dad is. And the ways that I see Gods handprints all over our lives. For now…I go back to what I know to be true in times when I don’t know what else to do. My worship is my weapon. Worship brings peace. Worship brings comfort. Worship brings my downcast eyes back to the throne of our loving father…locks my eyes with our Creator God, to Jesus’ nail pierced hands, to the Hope that we will be with Him one day and everything sad will be made untrue.

Thank you all for keeping my dad in your prayers as he is battling this cancer and tremendous pain, and our family as we walk in Gods grace by our dads side day by day.

“The hour is dark

And it’s hard to see

What You are doin’ here in the ruins

And where this will lead

Oh, but I know that down through the years

I’ll look on this moment and see Your hand on it

And know You were here

And I’ll testify of the battles You’ve won

How You were my portion when there wasn’t enough

And I’ll testify of the seas that we’ve crossed

The waters You parted, the waves that I’ve walked

Believing gets hard

When options are few

When I can’t see what You’re doin’, I know that You’re proving

You’re the God who comes through

And all that is left is highest praises

So sing hallelujah to the Rock of Ages

My God did not fail

It’s my testimony

I know it is well

It’s the story I’ll tell”

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