I’m still at a loss for words. A few weeks ago we found out that my dads bladder cancer has metastasized…stage 4 bone cancer in his pelvis, sacrum, back and ribs. It caused acute kidney failure, he had a double nephrostomy, and has been in and out of the hospital since February. We are counting every day left as a gift.
I don’t know where to begin putting into words my grief or my gratitude. Gratitude for my dads life…the countless lives he has touched and his overflowing love for our family and his Savior. Gratitude for the time I’ve had with him, especially these past 10 months living back under my parents’ roof, precious time that was not in my plans but that God so graciously and lovingly gave to us. Time that I will never forget.
I don’t know how to keep these tears from falling. But what I do know is that God is faithful. And there are seasons when we are filled to the brim with examples of that. And I think it’s so that we can hold tight to it for the seasons when that cup seems to be running dry. We look back on those bountiful times and know that God will see us through. That He is always present and always in control, always in the details and always on His throne.
Sometime I’ll write more about just the amazing man my dad is. And the ways that I see Gods handprints all over our lives. For now…I go back to what I know to be true in times when I don’t know what else to do. My worship is my weapon. Worship brings peace. Worship brings comfort. Worship brings my downcast eyes back to the throne of our loving father…locks my eyes with our Creator God, to Jesus’ nail pierced hands, to the Hope that we will be with Him one day and everything sad will be made untrue.
Thank you all for keeping my dad in your prayers as he is battling this cancer and tremendous pain, and our family as we walk in Gods grace by our dads side day by day.
“The hour is dark
And it’s hard to see
What You are doin’ here in the ruins
And where this will lead
Oh, but I know that down through the years
I’ll look on this moment and see Your hand on it
And know You were here
And I’ll testify of the battles You’ve won
How You were my portion when there wasn’t enough
And I’ll testify of the seas that we’ve crossed
The waters You parted, the waves that I’ve walked
Believing gets hard
When options are few
When I can’t see what You’re doin’, I know that You’re proving
You’re the God who comes through
And all that is left is highest praises
So sing hallelujah to the Rock of Ages
My God did not fail
It’s my testimony
I know it is well
It’s the story I’ll tell”