My mom has always said the older you get, the quicker time passes. Well, now I’m left to face two harsh realities…that I’m getting old, and that my mom is right! This past year has held really challenging days and weeks that felt like they might never end, but as a whole it has gone by quicker than I ever remember. A few years ago I started journaling in the morning during my quiet time with God, and now I can’t imagine my life otherwise. If you think about it, much of the Bible is divinely inspired journaling – take the Psalms for example. David is spewing his thoughts and emotions, laments and praise into poetry and song, and all generations since have been able to find solidarity in his words. The man after Gods own heart often wrestled with deep pain, grief, hurt, betrayal, loss, frustration…the list goes on. Yet no matter where David was in a chasm of emotion, he had experienced too much of God to do anything other than keep God on His throne and magnify Him as the King of Kings. I wonder if David had any idea of the weight his words would hold for generations to come…and either way, I think he needed to write them down because HE needed to remember.

That’s what I’ve found…amnesia has a way of showing up at all different inopportune times. In the hard places I too often ask, “God where are you?” and on the mountain tops I can be so quick to say, “look at how well I climbed that treacherous slope!” I journal because I need to remember. When I start slipping down a chasm or taking the credit, the words I wrote are tangible evidence of Gods presence right in the middle of my circumstances. I’ve found it valuable to extend this practice beyond words. The Israelites used to stack stones in the dessert as pillars of Gods faithfulness for future generations to see. Now, I did grown up around a lot of rocks and have some ebenezers on my front porch. But there are other ways to mark moments. And yes, I’m getting to an update!

The end of September when I flew from Tampa to DC two days before major surgery fusing my skull base to C2, I arrived at the airport with a lot of baggage…pounding headache, searing pain in my neck and upper body, the room was spinning, my vision was blurred, I could barely think straight to check my bag and I was on the verge of throwing up. All of my energy was deliberate – one foot in front of the other. But when I got onto the escalator to go up to my gate, as I had countless times over many years feeling this same way, I said to myself…

“Mark this moment! It is the last time you will feel like this!”

My BFF from high school recently got married – it’s been 20 years since we graduated (see, getting old!) and I flew up to Connecticut for her wedding. I have tears in my eyes as I write that as I rode the escalator up to my gate – just nine weeks after my surgery – everything was different!! On my way to the airport I chatted with my Uber driver instead of focusing my energy on not throwing up in his car, I engaged with the Southwest attendant while checking my bag and getting tags for Spritz to fly with me, and I walked over to the escalator on solid ground…the room wasn’t spinning! If I’d had some stones, I would have stacked them right then and there.

At the wedding I sat with a precious friend who was my high school home room advisor. Those were really difficult years as I wrestled with my faith, my identity and my worth. I based everything on what I saw around me and I didn’t like most of it, so I decided I couldn’t possibly like God. But this teacher always listened and loved me instead of judging me. She gave me space to walk my own path, yet always prayed and believed my path would lead to one of coming to know and love God. She’s been following my journey through what I’ve written these past years and we rejoiced together in what God has done!! The morning after the wedding, this was part of my Scripture reading…

But God can’t point back to things in our life no one has known about! Sharing our struggles is just as important as sharing our victories. Sharing our stories bolsters the faith of those around us and our victories become a beacon of hope and a testament to Gods mercy and grace. When we go and tell, it’s an encouragement to those who have prayed for us, walked beside us and shared our longing for answered prayers. Side note – that last verse is another favorite and I wrote a post about it here…https://amostlyhealthyblog.com/2023/10/07/perfect-healing/

On the flight home from the wedding I read through my journal from this past year. Several times a prompt or devotional had taken me to Psalm 107 – a Psalm that God has used repeatedly in my life. The first time I remember reading it, I was in my surgeons waiting room, heading into an appointment where we would decide on whether or not to proceed with my first cervical fusion. I knew going that route would mean needing multiple more surgeries unless God intervened, and the risk of major complications. The words of this Psalm gave me such deep peace and assurance of Gods amazing grace. The Psalm starts out…

And then instead of David merely saying that God is gracious and all powerful, he gives example after example of these extreme circumstances that seem almost impossible for anyone to come back from – of those who were led astray by temptations, worldly pursuits and seductive pleasure that proved fleeting and destructive. Yet God steps in and doesn’t just deliver them, doesn’t just brush the dirt off, put on a few bandages, pat them on the back and send on them their way. But the opposite! He completely heals them, blesses them, establishes them in new lands, sets them up to prosper, provides feasts for them, families for them and homes for them. It’s such a vivid description of grace – absolutely undeserved blessing and favor – and of giving God the praise He alone deserves because of that amazing grace!

My surgeon prayed over me before my massive fusion that God would heal me, and I woke up from surgery with these words going through my mind… “God has healed me, He is healing me and He will heal me!” I’ve written about how I heard from God about a year and a half ago that it would be Him who healed me. I wrestled with what that meant, but came to see that it means trusting my perfect healing to God, knowing He is the ultimate healer, and surgeons and surgeries are just the tools He can use when we surrender to Him. There is no explanation for how well I have been doing since my surgery except that God has answered the prayers of so many people over me, and once again proven faithful to come through on His word to heal me! My pastors sermon today was about words from God, and he said…

“Gods words reveal His will”

Bill Johnson

Woah! But I shouldn’t be surprised because when we stay rooted in God, He always finds ways to affirm what He is speaking into our life.

Healing is never linear. At best it should be like a bull stock market…an upward trajectory, but peaks and valleys along the axis. Before surgery I’d been having severe breathing issues, especially at night when the shifting vertebrae in my spine were cutting off my airway, and that resolved immediately! The improved oxygenation along with better CSF flow has meant that I wake up much cleared headed than I ever remember. For weeks after surgery I’d often wake up at night panicked that I couldn’t breathe, and have tell myself that it wasn’t the case. Our brains are extremely powerful and it takes about three months to establish new neural pathways. My body that God created is amazingly resilient, but has a lot of re-learning to do. My muscles are trying to figure out how to function and fire now that my neck is fused, and it can take up to two years for the nerves that were damaged to regrow. I am still in pain much of the time, the muscle spasms and swelling cause frequent headaches, and I have had times when all my symptoms are back in full force.

BUT I have also had some times when I feel pretty great, and I haven’t been able to say those words in a very long time. Yesterday I spent the day making Christmas goodies for clients, friends and family. It was always one of the activities I looked forward to most at Christmas, but one I haven’t done in many years. Every day was such a painful challenge that I had to conserve my energy for only what was necessary. But yesterday I had a solid 6 hours that I felt like my old self! I blasted Christmas music and danced and sang in my kitchen as I created, and man did it feel good!! And given that I am still pretty early on in my recovery, it is extremely encouraging to already see improvement! Just like stacking those stones or remembering that moment on the escalator, when we focus on our victories, when we train our brain to say, “I feel great right now” even if it’s fleeting, we are creating a little trail of breadcrumbs to go back to and know that feeling great is possible. It helps create and cement those new neural pathways so that one such moment turns into a few more, which suddenly turns into a whole day, a week, a month, a lifetime. God put this Psalm on my heart recently and it couldn’t be more perfect…

As this year is coming to a close I’d encourage you to find ways to mark moments in your life that can stand as pillars for future generations. They don’t need to be eloquent words or perfectly positioned stones. It can be as simple as sharing something with a friend over a cup of coffee or posting a few sentences on Facebook. But we are called to tell about the wonderful deeds of our God, and there is someone out there who needs your story! God chose the lowliest of the lows to be the first to know that Jesus, our Savior, had taken on flesh and come into our world. Angels told nearby shepherds about Christs birth, and…

This Christmas, Go and Tell!