There are no words to begin to express my gratitude for God’s grace and mercy, and for the way that he has heard and answered prayers lifted to heaven from all corners of the world over me and my medical team! Thank you my faithful friends for interceding to our mighty and loving God, whose hand was so clearly on every detail these past few weeks.

Two weeks ago I arrived at the hospital in Maryland alone for a cerebral and spinal angiogram, and found out that I already knew my nurse, Ara! A PICC line I had inserted before one of my surgeries wouldn’t stop bleeding, and when I returned to the hospital later that day Ara had bandaged it up as she told me that what I was experiencing was extremely rare. Words I’ve heard far too many times! When I arrived for my angiogram she remembered me and I instantly had a friend – I wasn’t alone. The doctor was so kind and thorough in his explanations, and had finally spoken with my surgeon about my case the night before. I only needed the arteries in my thoracic spine mapped out, not my entire spine, and my brain to check on an aneurism that had been found during my last cerebral angiogram. What was going to be a 4-5 hour procedure was now less than 2 hours! 

The doctor still wanted to put me under general anesthesia, as they could stop my breathing as needed to take the images, however when the anesthesia team didn’t show up, the doctor told me I looked like someone who could stay still, and asked if I was willing to stay awake. I knew from experience how unpleasant this procedure was going to be, but I just had the hardware removed from my neck 6 weeks prior, and was having another major surgery in 3 days. Having anesthesia twice in the same week was of great concern, and avoiding it was going to help my overall recovery significantly. I told the doctor I was really good at following orders and he could count on me not to move. 

Once in the OR I was strapped to a table and then Ara asked what music I wanted to listen to and I said, “Hillsong” and as the music started to play, one of the other nurses started singing along. A catheter was placed into the right femoral artery in my groin, and once it had carefully snaked its way to my brain the doctor repeated “don’t breathe, don’t move, don’t swallow” as he injected what felt like hot electric lava and then took an x-ray of it. With my eyes closed, I could somehow see what looked like lighting striking a dark night’s sky. Part way through the procedure I had a reaction to the medicine I’d been given through my IV; my whole body was chattering uncontrollably and my heart rate spiked so high I thought I was going to pass out, but I had to lay completely still. I started repeating over and over again, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose mind stays fixed on you” through the whole rest of the procedure, as the catheter moved down to my spine and injected the hot dye into each thoracic artery. My heart rate lowered, after 3 hours laying flat the collagen plug they put in my artery held, and I was able to go back to my air bnb to recover and rest for surgery in a few days. And get this – when I left the hospital that afternoon, it was in the midst of yet another blizzard in DC!

2 years ago before my first cervical fusion, God gave me the passage of scripture about when the Israelites were fleeing Egypt’s armies and came right up against the Red Sea – and by all looks of it – were stuck. But God, in his loving provision “made a way through the sea, a pathway no one knew was there!!” The herniated disc I was having removed in my neck was stretching my spinal cord, and there was a chance that with it repaired, I’d have relief from enough symptoms that I wouldn’t need the major fusion of my skull to cervical spine. While that surgery did help, it wasn’t the Hail Mary we’d hoped for. But I never forgot the promise that verse held…that even when our back is pressed up against a wall, and our situation looks impossible, God can see a way out that no one knows is there! I went into the week of the angiogram and surgery expecting our God of the impossible to make a way, and being able to stay awake during the procedure – although I would not recommended it – was the first of many fulfillments of this!

My sweet nephew Tadju and his wife Katie flew to DC the night before surgery; their flight was delayed and they didn’t get to my air bnb until close to midnight. But Tadju cheerily drove me to the hospital at 5 am the next morning. Thankfully the anesthesia team did show up this time, and I found out that my assisting surgeon was Dr. Rosenbaum, my surgeons partner at his neurosurgical group. Dr. Rosenbaum told me that between them they bring 70 years of experience! He asked what surgery I was having done and I said a right T6/7 costotransversectomy approach for a discectomy, intradural repair of disc and duroplasty. His eyes got wide and he said he’s never had someone recite a procedure so perfectly – I’ve always been the overachiever, ha!

In addition to my list of allergies and other measures I know by now need to be taken, I had to tell every new team that came in to talk to me that I was only 6 weeks out from hardware removal and had a tender and prominent MINX plug in my right femoral artery. Before being wheeled away to the OR, my surgeon Dr. Henderson prayed that God would hold me in the palm of his hand, restore my health, and fill all of us in that operating room with his Holy Spirit. 

As I made my way back to consciousness, I realized the breathing tube was still in and my eyes were taped shut. I heard a voice tell me to take a deep breath as the long tube was removed. I began to cough and felt the searing pain in my ribcage. I heard Dr. Rosenbaum’s voice tell me that there was no cerebrospinal fluid leak after all, that the catheter was coming out and I’d be able to get up within a few hours. There was a flurry of activity around me; I was repeatedly asked to move my feet and squeeze my hands. Once in my recovery room, Dr. Henderson came in and as he began to talk, I have never seen the expression that came over his face. His eyes were wide; filled with a mix of fear, shock, disbelief and awe, and his brow furrowed. He said the disc was so deeply herniated into my spinal cord that it was only by God’s grace I wasn’t paralyzed. I will never forget that moment. After that I don’t think I stopped moving my feet and wiggling toes for several hours, as I laid there overwhelmed by God’s grace and hand of healing on my life, and praising my loving and merciful God. 

I have to admit, in the same breath I had never felt so beat up before. As the grogginess wore off I started taking inventory of my body, and noticed over a dozen needle pricks and bruises on my arms and legs from the neuromonitoring, and a few from blown veins. My scalp hurt from where it had been clamped in place and my lips were swollen from the breathing tube. My jaw, neck and head were extremely sore, as were my legs and groin, and my ribcage hurt when I coughed and when I breathed. Within a few hours I managed to get up and walk around, and noticed dark red bruises on my eyelids. But I’ve never been so grateful for the ability to walk, and spent the afternoon periodically doing laps around the PACU! That evening, as I was being wheeled to an MRI, my sweet nurse Ara came to visit me, again showing me that I wasn’t alone.

Early the next morning Dr. Henderson came to check in on me and review my imagining. As he started explaining my surgery, that same look washed over his face. In his nearly 40 years as a surgeon, mine was the worst herniation he had ever seen, and one of the most challenging surgeries. He removed 9 cm of my right rib at T7 and the portion of my spine it attaches to, making a hole in order to access my spinal canal. Intra-operatively he gave me steroids to help protect my spinal cord as the disc was deeply wound around it. The herniation alone was so severe it could have paralyzed me, and then removing it I was also at great risk. To further complicate things, the major thoracic artery that was located during the spinal angiogram came into my spine at that very same level on the left side. If that artery had been clipped, I would have been paralyzed from my neck to my waist. He showed me on my MRI where there was still a small amount of disc material remaining – it didn’t pose a threat being left there, but was too close to the artery to safely be removed. I told Dr. Henderson what I had been learning about the ways that God calls us into chaos so that he can show even more of himself there, and as a big smile spread across his face, he said again that it was only by God’s grace that I came through so perfectly. His prayer that he and the entire surgical team would be filled with God’s spirit had been met in abundance – God was guiding his hand, giving him wisdom and restraint. 

At my post-op appointment I asked Dr. Henderson to walk me through surgery again, and he said that my disc was the material of a tooth instead of the jelly-like substance it’s supposed to be, because it had been herniated for so long. Had it been left, it would have pierced my dura like we thought it already had. The neuromonitoring during surgery showed I had no spinal cord signal in my whole right leg, and other neurological deficits showed spinal cord damage. The force of the herniation was tethering my spinal cord – it was completely stuck and unable to move around in my spinal canal. This has been exacerbating the pain in my neck and lower body, and will take about a year to heal. But it will heal, and in light of that, I am going to wait until then to decided on whether or not to proceed with the last surgery I’m slated for, to remove the adhesions on my lower spinal cord. 

My God who has made a way before, can most certainly part that sea again!

For the first week after surgery, every time I stood up I had immediate orthostatic symptoms. But rather than being frustrated at my body, for the first time I have listened to my symptoms as the only way my body has of speaking to me. Or more accurately – what it’s asking of me. Surgery is a huge trauma to the body on so many levels, and by listening to what my body needs, it signals that the danger is over and I am safe to heal. It has been a really painful recovery – when I stand up, it feels like my insides are trying to make their way out of that gaping hole now in my back. And my ribcage – well, it feels like I had a rib ripped out, because I did. The pain medication was making me extremely nauseated, so I haven’t been taking anything for pain. I could take another medication for nausea, and then another to combat the symptoms of that medication…but instead I have been listening to my body’s request, and laying down a lot and letting my body rest. This is something I am really not good at!! I am so used to pushing through pain, at whatever cost. And a few days that old habit has won as I’ve forced myself out for a walk, only to barely make it back home to lay down. It’s going to be a long recovery, and I have restrictions on lifting, bending and twisting for the next 6 weeks, but I am seeing small improvement each week. Tomorrow I fly back home and Spritz and I are very excited to be back in the sunshine! 

A few days ago I woke up singing this song…

“Now I’m alive to tell the story of how I’ve overcome, by your goodness and mercy, and the power of the blood. I’m so glad that my freedom, wasn’t based on what I’ve done. But your goodness and mercy, and the power of the blood” 

In the midst of so much pain, I have been constantly overwhelmed by how blessed I am – even on my very hardest days, I have so much! I have the resources to have this surgery and to stay in a cozy air Bnb in DC with Spritz by my side. I have a surgeon who knows that it’s God’s grace that works through him and sustains me, and my kingdom family from all over the world praying for me! God keeps showing his love for me through the people he’s placed in my life to pray for me, encourage me and check in on me. It’s because of God’s love for me – a love so deep that he willingly went to the cross for me – that I could face these most challenging weeks with the assurance that he was right there beside me. In fact, because of God’s perfect love that casts out fear – I didn’t tiptoe into an impossible week, I went in boldly, in eager expectation for the ways that God was going to make a way – a way that no one knew was there. I am walking proof that God did just that!